What's Really in a Name?

Unless they are given a traditional family name, every child wonders about their parents’ choice for the word that will seem synonymous with all that they are. With the name, “Perrianne,” I was certainly no exception, especially given my extremely “identity-driven” personality. Because my dad’s middle name was “Perry,” I initially surmised that I was named for him--a happy thought to me. When I presented the findings of my research to him (at age 5, I believe), I was immediately told that this was not the case. It even seemed as if the connection had never occurred to him! Instead, he told me that I was named after a contestant on a game show that he and my mother watched while they were expecting me. This woman signed in on What’s My Line,”, the classic show where celebrities guess the profession of uniquely employed contestants. The woman who was the source of my name was, my dad said, a sports reporter. And that was that: I grew up with that minimally resourced consciousness regarding what seemed to me to be a very impersonal heritage connected to my name.

Having a unique name has drawbacks. I could never get a personalized keychain or bicycle license plate like the other kids—they just don’t make them with “Perrianne”. And, later, when Western pop culture discovered the joy of name-meaning plaques, “Perrianne” was a sure one to stump the band! I remember years ago in the local Walmart, a kiosk was set up to print and sell plaques with name meanings, and when we typed in Perrianne, I noticed that the description it spit out for me was vaguely similar to an example that was hanging there for display—an example which sounded nothing like “Perrianne”! I strained through the adolescent desire for conformity to develop an appreciation for being unique (because believe me, I am), but still there were times, I must admit, I wished for a different name. (At around 14, I must have thrilled my parents when I embarked upon a short-lived campaign to legally change my name to “Donna”—I now am not sure why I picked that one—perhaps because there were plenty of key chains and bike tags pre-printed with that moniker.)

Then came my college days, during which I felt like an unlikely invader into the world of scientific research….I had the skills to thrive academically (having been “diagnosed” with a 170 IQ early on), but I was so different from the typical chemistry major and there was also still a noticeable edge of stigma about being a woman, even in those “liberated” days of the late 70’s and early 80’s. When a new semester would begin, any professor whom I hadn’t had before would call the roll on the first day of class, reading off names and looking up after each one to see which face corresponded. Every time he stopped his rhythm and stared at the page, I knew he had arrived at my name and what would follow would be a halting attempt at pronunciation (really? how hard is it?) or the words, “how do you pronounce this?” at which time I would supply him with the correct pronunciation, still with a tinge of doubted identity in my hesitant voice.

So, being named Perrianne came to symbolize several things for me: First of all, my ambivalent relationship with attention. When I have a speaking gig or when I am just telling a story, I access a part of me that has NO problem being the center of attention—believe me! However, I am convinced that every extrovert has a large corresponding introvert somewhere inside and I have definitely navigated that mysterious artistic balance all my life. I did, in fact, as I matured, realize that this woman for whom I was named must have been a real trail-blazer. Now we see females reporting fairly frequently on sports—and not just women’s! But in the late 50’s and early 60’s, it must have been the case that this woman was a true pioneer! Though the main cause of my life is not gender-related, I do believe with all my heart that barriers made by human ideas with little or no grounding in truth are ALL meant to be broken! However, this only built my curiosity about the original Perrianne.

Then, at age 50, everything about my naming would change. Having written two books, I decided, at the urgings of media-savvy friends, to create an “author page” for myself on Facebook. A dear friend in England who had showered me with encouragement after reading both my books in one weekend had called his little session, “Perrianne-stock” and I loved the comparison it evoked to a “festival” (without all the trash and irresponsible behavior, of course). So at the beginning of this year, Perrianne-stock was launched and I am proud to report that it has rocketed to—wait for it—100 Facebook “likes”! Because the number is so low, I still notice every new addition and two weeks ago, someone named Perrianne “liked” my page to my amazement—spelled just like me and living in New York. Interested, I “friended” her and then fired off a quick message explaining briefly the random origin of my name and asking her the origin of hers. And then I went to the gym—no big deal.

An hour later, workout done, I clicked on my profile and discovered probably the most amazing FB reply in history! Perrianne in New York told me, “I was named after the same person as you were. Her name is Perian Conerly and she was married to Charlie Conerly, the most famous pro quarterback of his day, and…” (and here’s the real mind-blower) “…here is the video of the TV show your parents watched to name you…” In one click of a link to youtube, I saw for the first time ever this woman who was the source of my parents’ choice! I wept as I realized that I had probably—due to the low self-esteem from which we humans so often suffer—misjudged the whole situation. I had made negative judgments about my parents’ choice of a name, assuming that this 1959 TV show just tossed a novel idea into their empty well, rather than realizing this was an amazing woman who probably actually INSPIRED them about what their daughter could be! I am pleased to announce that for about 50 years, I got it a little wrong!

I am a passionate Christian and a truly spiritual one and my afore-mentioned identity-driven personality has found ample fulfillment in the legacy and destiny that I believe was intended in the divine plan. BUT, somehow through this experience, God had managed to fill a big gap in my inner world by restoring to me a missing sense of legacy and destiny that extended even to the farthest circumstances of my life! I already believed that there was purpose for me—and for every human being—but this experience drove it home so uniquely. There is so much purpose that NOTHING is accidental, marginal or useless. I believe more than ever in the orchestration of God.

Perrianne in NY also sent me a biographical article on Perian Conerly (and we found it ironic that both of our dads changed the spelling to the same one we share) and the hope I found only grew. I may share more in the future, especially after I read Perian Conerly’s book, which I have now ordered on Amazon, about exactly what she is coming to represent to me (especially as a writer), but that is not what I am aiming for right now. Right now, I want to shout from the housetops how good it feels to have been wrong! I owe my parents an apology for my judgment of them as uncreative! I owe myself an apology for failing to believe that my uniqueness was anything less than a gift! I experienced a true spiritual “retro-fit” at age 50. It happened to be related to my name, but it set me off wondering how many other subtle little judgments that limited my thinking might be lurking in the shadows…..?

I wish my daddy had sat me on his lap and explained to me, “Honey, we saw a wonderful woman on What’s My Line who captured our imaginations and we felt that you would be a trail-blazer and history-maker like her. Even more than that, we felt that you would be the kind of person who held her head high with dignity and brightened the world of everyone you came in contact with. And, we do even feel that there is some voice for you to have to your generation and we want to launch you on that journey with a name that will remind you of that every moment.” I wish he had said all those things, rather than leaving me to my own darker interpretation, but men of the great generation didn’t effuse emotion, nor did they require it. At the end of the day, maybe I didn’t need him to say it: I’m saying it for myself now quite well! I now feel, through “meeting” Perian Conerly via youtube, this is what my daddy meant to say to me and I am strengthened. He has said it to me now through a thousand Facebook “coincidences” and I am “gobsmacked” as the Brits say—overwhelmed with amazement at the divine orchestration.

Seekers of mere self-esteem cannot begin to understand the exceeding worth one feels when he finds his place in the Plan! What is most amazing is that I have lived so much of the legacy that my mom and dad reached out to, even without knowing it. I have now met a little army of Perrianne’s all over Facebook, some of whom knew of their legacy, some of whom did not and I am beginning to suspect that many of them will say the same! But, whether you are named Perrianne or Donna or Mary Jane, I guarantee you that there is more buzz surrounding your existence than you ever dreamed. And no matter your age, there is something wonderful to discover about who you really are. There are whole new worlds of perception that will completely erase dark clouds that you didn’t even know where there. There are a thousand horizons of meaning and purpose and all of them have your NAME on them.