This weekend past, we had the honor of hosting Chris Bowater and Matt Key from "the north of England" here with us in Azle. Chris spoke to our church (in a Sunday morning meeting that took place while freezing rain fell outside) and left a real deposit of truth, but it was not only that message, but the stream of conversation that flowed between all of us, that has left me fascinated. You see, Chris seems to be carrying a deep understanding of one of the most amazing and unexplored concepts in the Kingdom: the power of obscurity. Not only does he understand it from a Biblical perspective--as he speaks of God coming in thick darkness and cloud, and showing up in unnoticed places like Bethlehem, as well as the many times Jesus told someone, "Go and tell no one..."(we never understood that in our testimonial fervor, did we now?)...but, beyond that Chris lives it. Chris' words and worship have affected not only his own nation, but places and people reaching all around the globe. He has spoken encouragement to gifted but mystified musicians countless times in private. He has dared to enter into their particular darkness, bringing a flashlight to identify the ways that God might reveal himself there. Though he has produced more worship songs, teams, schools, events and CD's than anyone I know personally, there remains a Melchezidek factor to his life and ministry--a sense in which he is known more by his Kingdom impact than his human profile. But more imporantly than that, he carries with him the ability to make you want to take refuge in God's hiddenness, rather than fight it.
I desperately needed the pill. I have lived the life of an artist with its accompanying (and exhausting) need "to be heard". Though I have found the joy of doing all I do for that holy audience of One, my culture seems to scream at me that my worship and ministry is not complete until I have some respectable sales figures and the bells and whistles that accompany such! (And by culture I mean the American church scene...) The confusion in my psyche was justifiable: I believed in the process of simply being myself and catching and processing the winds of the Holy Spirit that came my way (and turning them into words...) while leaving the results to Kingdom processes already in motion. Yet, I had succumbed a bit to judging myself by different standards. I had began to wonder if God's hiddenness as displayed through my life and our church signaled a deficiency in me/us--a wonderment which I could not afford given the mid-life nature of my personal chronology! A distinctly painful feeling reminiscent of being the last one chosen for a sports team had begun to tug often at the edges of my soul!
I now know--because of Chris' life message--that what I was missing was NOT an outlet or a vindicating breakthrough in recognition (for myself or my church)!!!Revealing may come, but THAT is not my greatest need. My greatest need is probably shared by many, especially here in America: We have unknowingly limited God to only bright light and full manifestation! We have declared unidimensionally that God is on the scene only when his blinding glory is shining for all to see, touch and perceive. We have forgotten that he comes in seasons and waves and a series of hidings and revealings, rhythms of mercy that flow with our lives...We have underestimated the huge portion of the Bible that recognizes God equally in darkness as in light. Forgetting that he is Lord of it all, we used all our human effort to push and pull on things until something--anything--showed up!!! Desperate to compete with the "signs" and "wonders" of others, we have often missed completely the tiny, precious seedlike beginnings of "signs" and "wonders" that surrounded us in hiddenness.
God's darkness is nothing like the darkness of evil. Communing with God in a place that defies sensory explanation is nothing like the despair of being alone. Rather, the thick cloud of God is dense truth so holy and so compact that it is almost tangible. It is God's awesome wisdom--line upon line upon line--paradox, mystery, contrast, dynamic tensions--all held in perfect balance by the force of unquenchable love that finds perfection only in Him. When we are that close to God, rather than filling our minds with more knowledge, he fills our hearts with Himself.
So, I am only beginning to explore the thick cloud, and lay aside the frenzy for fulfillment that only understands bright light. I know that the light is a part of God's plan, too; God of course IS light, but there's something about John 1 that seems to ring true about the context and setting of that light..."The light shines on in the darkness and the darkness is not able to extinguish it..."
The English physicist Stephen Hawking, astrophysical genius, has theorized with his typical humor that perhaps "Black holes ain't so black". It seems that black holes--giant vacuums in the universe that hold matter so tightly that nothing escapes--may actually emit traces of light and energy! If so, even the place of thickest darkness in the cosmos is not devoid of light, giving physical expression (as the heavens always do) to the Scripture:
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. Psalm 139:11-12
God help me--and all of us--carry the Melchezidek factor when we need to, SO THAT when God does set us as a city on a hill or a light out from under that bushel, we won't be moved by the change!
